dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
