Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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