So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
