I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
