haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
