just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
