Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
