I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
