You're my little dorito
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
