We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
be right there i have to get my cape
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
