I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
