Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
