why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
