I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
