I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
