But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
