In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
