So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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