my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
