just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
