I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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