i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
