i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
