Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
