Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
