nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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