actually, I'm a sock model
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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