Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
we should paint friendship bongs
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