omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
