I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
