i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
