Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
