Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
