i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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