I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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