I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She said her name was "party"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
