I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
