Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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