she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
