never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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