your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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