just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
