I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
