Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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