I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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