you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
