Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
