? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
