oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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