im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
