Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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