I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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