Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
