We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
