you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
