someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize