he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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