i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
