today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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