I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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