I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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