Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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