I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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