so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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