yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had sex on a roof
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
