By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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