Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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