I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
