I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
