Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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