So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
