just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
