i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
