Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
