So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize
