If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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