i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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