why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
