I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
