carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
