"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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