he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
