i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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