It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
