I just pynch a tree in the face
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
