the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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